Can’t get those images out of my head.
Tried to push them out but they’re so stubborn somehow.
Wish I could ask him “what were you looking at?” and see how his answer is. Want to tell him “ok, now you like my cousin? go ahead and get her I don’t care!” but how can I? I’m not even sure my doubt is right or not. Should I tear it or keep it to show him later if he accidentally read this?
He still says sweet words, and it still melts my heart. But whenever I see the picture, I’m kinda disappointed. THAT GLANCE! It HURTS! He might think it’s just a moment but cameras caught it all. Not 1 but 2, who knows how many more? How does he think if I give that kind of glance to another man? And he finds out later? Uh ohhhh
We agreed to discuss and solve any issue together, to maintain our love and not let any misunderstanding comes between us. This case is difficult.
“You may meet guys in college and think: ohhh, what a pity I got married too soon…” this is what he concerns about but never guess the thing I would regret is to tie him with me too soon, that he didn’t even have a chance to see another girl. The most ridiculous thought is my cousin should have been the right choice for him. Hahahahahahaha!! Struggling with her marriage? Not big deal! One kid? Doesn’t matter! Ok, now I feel like insecure the most. Next time would I be able to stand there see him giving that glance to her? Would I be comfortable to go back to HN with him, hang around with all my cousins? Hell yeah! you’re hurting me darling…
What the hell am I thinking? Why can I permit myself to think of them that way?
Why do I have to plunge myself into a virtual story?
But it’s true. I won’t share with people, especially when my husband has a very little thought of anyone else. God can punish me with any death penalty but sorry God, I won’t live with those hurting emotions all my life. I respect my promise in front of You, but sorry God, I can’t be the second R. I’ll pray for that but whenever it comes, I’ll let go. I really love him but if You chose him to eventually settle down with another one, I’ll be ready.
Sorry for thinking like this but the more I love you, the more you should be free.
Damn! It’s weird. The sun is shining and I’m here talking nonsense.